A young mother needed help caring for her newborn baby when she returned to work. She approached her 64-year-old mother to ask her to take care of the child. However, her mother demanded payment, which led to a conflict, as her daughter refused to pay.
The young woman shared the case on Reddit, where she described the dilemma that arose between her and her mother. She explained that she had just had a baby and needed support to care for it, as she had to return to work.
Her first choice was her mother, a homemaker since 1992. However, she wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea of caring for the baby full-time. She argued that she had already raised her own children and, at her age, was in no condition to take on that responsibility again. She even suggested to her daughter that perhaps she should have considered not having a child if she couldn’t stay home with him.
The grandmother recalled that, at one time, she and her husband had agreed that she would stop working to raise their children, while he provided for the family. In her view, her daughter and her partner should also find a way to maintain a more „traditional” family structure.
Although the 29-year-old had considered similar options, she explained that they had just experienced a pandemic that severely impacted their finances. In addition to her overall financial situation, she detailed her income and debt:
She earns $55,000 a year, but owes $39,000 in student loans and another $20,000 in credit cards, car loans, and medical debt. Her partner earns about $36,000 a year and has $5,000 in credit card debt.
As the primary breadwinner, with so much debt, she couldn’t afford to stop working. Furthermore, they lived in a small one-bedroom apartment, trying to save up to move to a bigger house when the baby grew up. Every penny counted.
Despite this, the grandmother refused to care for the child without payment. She asked for $20 an hour, extra charges if the daughter was late picking up the baby, and demanded a car seat, a stroller, and reimbursement for transportation, as she was unwilling to care for the baby in her own home.
The daughter mentioned that her mother lived only 15 minutes away and that, in the five years she had lived there with her partner, she had only visited once. However, the grandmother had personal reasons for not wanting to go to her apartment.
For the young mother, her mother’s demands were excessive, especially considering she would have to buy a new car seat and stroller. In her words: „I want to save to reduce our debt, and I don’t want to pay her so much or buy duplicate items, because that would create more debt for me and my partner.”
What initially seemed like a simple solution turned into a family conflict. Seeing the imposed conditions, the couple concluded that sending the child to daycare was cheaper and more convenient.
Still, the author of the post turned to other Reddit users to find out if she was wrong to refuse to pay his mother to care for her son. „All he does is watch TV and cook,” she added.
The post was not well received. Many users were as critical as the mother, commenting that she shouldn’t have had children if she couldn’t afford to raise them. Some pointed out that this type of arrangement should have been discussed during the pregnancy, in anticipation of her return to work.
Many agreed that it was disrespectful to say that the mother „just watches TV and cooks.” They emphasized that, as a retiree, she has the right to decide whether or not to care for her grandson, as caring for a child requires effort and commitment. Several users considered it valid for the grandmother to point out that she had already raised her children, and that while she could offer occasional help out of love, she was under no obligation to do so.